Podcast Questions
How do you cope with your anxiety whilst raising four kids? What’s your approach to dealing with depression? What was your life like before having kids? Do you prefer music or silence? Lilies or roses?
TRANSCRIPT
Frederique
Hi Cynthia!
Cynthia
Hi!
Frederique
How was your day?
Cynthia
Yeah, we had a lovely day, apart from the rain! I managed to go for a walk.
Frederique
Okay.
Cynthia
How did your day go today?
Frederique
A bit busy actually, because I had to plan the recording sessions. Then because I’m doing as well my Master’s I had to work on one of my assignments. Yeah, a bit busy. And also… I’m very happy because it’s Christmas. I was doing some stuff on the Christmas tree. I love that. But I just feel like oh, it’s the end of the year, we have less sunlight. I can’t wait for next year – March!
Cynthia
Yeah, it’s mad this time of year, isn’t it? Everyone is crazy about Christmas!
Frederique
Yeah!
Cynthia
Ah! Well we deserve it because it has been a bit of a strange year for all of us.
Frederique
Oh yeah.
(Introduction music plays then stops)
Frederique
Okay. So… We’re just going to start now and we’re going to talk about motherhood and managing anxiety with Cynthia today. Cynthia is a mum of four, and has a lot to teach us about motherhood and also how to manage anxiety in terms of how to deal with your daily tasks, should I say? Yes, and also being able to be mature enough to realise that you are feeling anxious, and you need to have a pause or a break, and how you deal with those feelings of anxiety. So first, I would like to ask if you are okay today, and please choose an animal that represents the way you feel and tell us why you choose this animal.
Cynthia
Uhm, I choose lion.
Frederique
Wow.
Cynthia
Because (I know) I am very loyal, and I am very hard-working, protective, A peaceful person and very accepting to whatever nature throws out to me.
Frederique
Yeah. That’s really strong. A lot of strength.
Cynthia
Yeah, that’s why I chose the lion.
Frederique
Yeah. And I wanted to tell our audience how I met you. I was conducting a survey for a project regarding the accessibility of nature and this is how I met Cynthia, and she accepted to answer a few questions and we bonded through the topic of nature and accessing nature the best we can.. and now, okay. Can you tell us, Cynthia, how many children do you have and what age they are? And what is your background regarding life before having children?
Cynthia
I have four children, whose ages are 22, 19, 16, and 14. Well, before I had my children, I had more freedom. For myself, I can go out.. children made me felt more occupied with family.
Frederique
In a good way, you think?
Cynthia
Yeah, I become more, yeah. Before I was more kind of laid back… and you know, when you have kids you become more occupied, preoccupied with the family and the children. That’s exactly what happened to me… and I always put my kids first before myself.
Frederique
Yeah, like a lioness.
Cynthia
Yeah, exactly! And also my zodiac sign is Leo, so yeah.
Frederique
Oh, sweet! This is so sweet.
Cynthia
Yeah. And, like, maybe I also have lots of restrictions to go out with friends, to do things, which is why I’m kind of lonely. I don’t go out.. hanging out, although my kids are much older (now). But because I have a son with autism…
Frederique
Oh, wow.
Cynthia
Yeah, he’s 16. He’s more like a baby, so…
Frederique
Sounds like a lot of work.
Cynthia
Yeah, it is a lot of work. Yeah, I kind of see it as what can I do? This is me. I got to keep going. To the end.
Frederique
Yeah. Yeah. So you are very resilient.
Cynthia
Yeah… I am actually.
Frederique
Yes, of course. Four children, and one with disability. That’s a lot to manage.
Cynthia
Uh huh. Huh.
Frederique
So, you were saying that you failed and you worried a lot, but what type of things makes you, you know, anxious, and why?
Cynthia
Yeah, what really makes me worry a lot is, you know, I do worry about my children getting sick and I also suffer from terrible depression. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past.
Frederique
Yes.
Cynthia
And what kept me going was having my first baby.. and I also get really sick. I get really sick, worried about getting on well, and not being able to look after my kids.
Frederique
I totally understand your situation because I myself suffer from anxiety and depression and I don’t know if you have this experience, but sometimes you just feel like not getting out of bed and very hopeless. But then when you see your child, you just feel you have some kind of inner strength and you tell yourself: “Okay, you can do it.”
Cynthia
Exactly. I totally agree with you. Sometimes I just feel “Oh, I just want to run away.”
Frederique
Yes.
Cynthia
“Oh, I’m going to go to bed. I don’t want to wake up, it’s just too much.” And what made it really hard for me was because my husband was away in Portugal, and I was all alone with four kids, and didn’t have friends. I just felt really alone.
Frederique
Oh, yeah, the loneliness.
Cynthia
Exactly. And because I’m alone, it makes me stronger. Now I want to feel like this lioness.
Frederique
Yeah.
Cynthia
In a sense as I see it, “my children need me, I better be strong here”, kind of thing… and that’s what keeps me going.
Frederique
Yeah. I really feel that way (as well), you know, it speaks to me because it’s the same here, in the sense that when I feel down, and must… —I have a son myself, and if he is not feeling well himself, I just tell myself: “Okay, now it’s not about you. It’s about him.”
Cynthia
Exactly.
Frederique
Yeah. You have to be strong for him. Yeah.
Cynthia
And yeah, Edward is 16, but he doesn’t talk, he is still impaired, he still pretty much no concept. Like, just like a baby would be.
Frederique
Okay…
Cynthia
You know, you look after him 24/7, I can’t really go away, and my husband is here now. I feel kind of bad to be out for a few hours and being alone with him and I…..
Frederique
It’s not a selfish act to consider looking after yourself. Because if you don’t have the strength to, you know, to be healthy and strong, and resilient, you won’t be able to look after him. So I think you’re right to have some few hours for yourself. It’s healthy.
Cynthia
Yeah, exactly. I’ve had a few friends told me that, but actually, in the last couple of years, I’m beginning to, you know, balance, motherhood and my own self —me time—.
Frederique
Yeah…
Cynthia
So I can go away to France. Luckily I have a place in France where I can just… get away, for a couple of weeks. My husband is happy to look after them. He’s very nice. But sometimes I feel really bad: “Oh, hang on. I’m having fun.” Yeah, and then [husband’s name] coping with the kids alone, but then, you know… Of course, like you said, I got to have me time, otherwise I’m just gonna go crazy.
Frederique
Yes. Yes, because, you know, this is the way I feel. If you are not taking some me time, you get obsessed by the situation and drain. My son doesn’t have disability, but I need some me time also because I feel that when I have the me time, I am happier to spend quality time with him.
Cynthia
Yeah, I think I never knew until I tried and I noticed the difference once I tried it.
Frederique
How long have you been doing-
Cynthia
And when I go home home, I’m like, the best mother you can, you know? (ask for). The stress is kind of melted away in the me time, just to myself. Yeah, I totally agree.
Frederique
And you said how long have you been doing this? For the past two years, you said?
Cynthia
Yeah, I’ve been really doing this, going away, and you know, yeah. Although this year has been a bit different because of the, you know, COVID, but I still managed to get away in the woodlands, here in UK.
Frederique
Oh, sweet. This is so great. And what type of activities lessen your anxiety and makes you very grounded, as a mother?
Cynthia
Yeah, for me, I find that spending lots of time in nature, for instance, the woodland is my preferenced place to go to.
Frederique
Yeah.
Cynthia
And also just foraging as well. I love foraging. And I have discovered that being in touch with mushrooms, you know, the wild mushrooms, and bring(ing) some familiar ones home and… It’s just amazing. It’s like, it’s very therapeutic.
Frederique
Yeah…
Cynthia
And that lessens my anxiety.
Frederique
Oh, yes. I love the sea.
Cynthia
Oh, so do I.
Frederique
The seaweed.
Cynthia
Oh, as we speak, I have lots of fermented seaweed in my kitchen cabinet right now.
Frederique
Oh wow.
Cynthia
Yeah.
Frederique
What would you do with them?
Cynthia
I fermented (them) and I made extracts to make like sauces and put in dishes and I also have some dried ones, like, I sort of crumbled it.
Frederique
Yes.
Cynthia
Or grinded and drizzled it to my food. And it’s packed with iodine and goodness from the sea.
Frederique
Oh, yeah. I love the smell of the sea and also the waves. I love watching, you know, the sea coming, you know, come and go and and just being there. Not having to worry about anything, but just being present in the moment and watch the birds and all type of, you know, small animals around. I love being an observant of nature.
Cynthia
Huh, exactly.
Frederique
Okay, so, um, my last question because we’re going to close right now, we have a… how should I say it? Strong bond regarding nature, and this is what I love about Cynthia. She seems very calm and nurturing. And I really love that about you, Cynthia.
Cynthia
Oh, thank you. I’m blushing.
Frederique
Oh, gosh. So the closing now, um, I’ll give you a choice between two words, and you tell me which one you prefer. So, music or silence?
Cynthia
Music, definitely.
Frederique
Sweet. Lilies, or roses?
Cynthia
Lily.
Frederique
Yellow or green?
Cynthia
Yellow is my favourite colour!
Frederique
Oh, sweet. Like the lioness. Birds or dogs?
Cynthia
Definitely birds. I just been in the woodland with the birds chirping, and is so peaceful.
Frederique
Lovely. Thank you so much for coming and chat with me. I hope you will come back because I found this conversation extremely interesting and I would like to have more understanding about how you manage your anxiety, especially as a mom of four, but also, you know, managing a child with disability must be very, very humbling.
Cynthia
Yeah, very rewarding. Yeah. You just… Seeing him the smile just makes me happy. Oh, thank you so much for having me on the show.
Frederique
Lovely. Thank you so much. And I hope please, please, please, come back. I really hope to have you back.
Cynthia
Thank you. Thank you.
Frederique
Bye bye.
Cynthia
Bye bye.
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This podcast was edited by Airglow Audio. Find out more at airglowaudio.com. Professional creative audio.
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